According to some whack social media blog I read to feel young and ‘with it’ (not working – see the use of the word whack at the beginning of this sentence) 80% of LinkedIn profiles contain the title of CEO. Am I to believe that 80% of the social media savvy workforce are Chief Executive Officer’s of well established, Fortune 500 companies? No. No they are likely not. Am I to believe that all these self-starting, go-getting individuals have started from the bottom of various companies and crawled their way to the top position of CEO since LinkedIn’s inception? Probably not. Do these people have their own companies? Probably…maybe?
What that really means: Self-employment Yeah! I’ll make up a fun sounding name for my company and be it’s CEO!! Great Success!!! Fuck you everyone I hated in high school!!!!
Self-employment, there’s a doozy. So, Following that logic, Let me re-introduce myself. I’m the CEO of a barely successful LLC, read: a fledgling video/media production company. This somewhat unsuccessful venture was the bulk of my income in my twenties. Of course, I had to obtain and keep several side jobs during this period. These included, but were not limited to Ornery video store clerk, landscaper, porn DVD delivery driver, Mallrat worker, Yelp review writer. I vaguely remember having a job cleaning boats that lasted for about a week at some point. Having to have these side jobs just to feed myself is the source of the loathing of self-employment mentioned in this story. Yep, I was whole-heartedly self employed.
What that really means: I was poor.
The motivation to succeed was there. I worked hard at it for nearly 8 years. Scrimping and saving in hopes of it paying off, and not being so poor some day. I slept in my car at gigs, ate exclusively off the $5 menu at Subway restaurants in service centres along the 401 (saving all the receipts for taxes of course!) I once bragged that if you could give me a random location, I would be able to tell you the nearest and best Subway location, and give you the reasons why. The winner is a tiny location along Highway 11, north of Orillia. Staffed by some lovable and delightful old ladies who love their jobs. I gave up on weekends. Friends hated me for being unwilling to commit solidly to most plans. Thus had a terrible social life. Most times, I ended up trying to maintain that weekend social life while having a 14 hour day that starts at 6am.
What that really means: I worked hungover a whole lot.
This spring is the 10th anniversary of said barely successful LLC. To celebrate, my #1 client bought me coffee, a Boston-creme donut and gave me a raise. Let me be clear. Self employment is probably great. It seems to work for a lot of people. I’m not bitter or anything, but clearly it isn’t really for me. Plus, the boss is a real asshole.
Bury Me In Vans 
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