Category: Reasons Why I’m an Idiot
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Taylor Swift vs. Lana Del Rey
Second marriages are always hard. Especially on the kids. I remember the first time fell in love with Lan. I call her Lan, then she slaps me and says that’s not her name, and she’s not putting up with my nonsense. It’s a thing I like to pretend we have. So, I remember the first…
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A Guided Tour of Chicago – II
Part I They’re the two young(ish) white(sort of) squatter(nah, we paid) kids(adults) with dirty(totally clean) undershirts and rotten(OBVIOUSLY NOT!) teeth. I’m a drunk with a job, I got the pictures to prove it. I got some junk in my trunk and the dance moves to move it. I am written on subway walls. I am…
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Animal-Friendly, Anti-Facist, Gay-Positive, Pro-Feminist or: How Less Talk, More Rock Changed My Life
I once wrote about the worst of Winnipeg. Now I’ll write about the best. I had heard Propagandhi’s first record “How To Clean Everything”, after some enterprising individual obtained a copy (read: stole it) for me from a chain record store in my hometown. Take that Capitalism! I remember not really being into it. It was…
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23 Short Stories About La Belle Province – Part I
That’s Quebec, for those who aren’t fluent in my personal version of Franglais. There’s something about that province that turns me into a complete animal. Without fail, as soon as I cross that imaginary line on the map and the 401 becomes Auto route 20, I become a madman. First, it’s straight to Schwartz’s for a smoked…
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I Can Tell You The Exact Moment I Fell In Love With Taylor Swift.
Taylor Swift rules. Fight me. Taylor and I’s courtship began early on in her career. Way before the whole ‘I love Taylor Swift, yet I’m a grown ass man – I’m so ironic!’ phase we’re currently living/suffering through. I’ve been a proud Swiftie since somewhere circa 2007-2008, and I came out as such, because I don’t give a shit. If…
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The Worst Day of My Life…
In life, the biggest fear I have (aside from that whole ‘being afraid of toads’ thing I got over in 2009) Is that one day I would end up being a victim on Just For Laughs Gags. I always loathed this show. Yet whenever I came across an episode while channel surfing, I would usually…
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YYZ –>BOG IX: Thirty-One
Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part IIX The travels of Sal Paradise documented in On The Road spanned 7 years, and took Kerouac 3 weeks to write. I’ve always hated that book (for reasons I’ll gladly discuss with you…
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YYZ –>BOG VII: Fear and Loathing in Chia
Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Alright, it’s about bloody time I get to this part. Andres. Chia. My Accountant and I have about 72 hours left in Colombia. As I’ve said waaaaay too many times throughout these aimless stories about being…
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YYZ –>BOG IV: ‘Bout That El Peñon Life
Part I Part II Part III Back to story time. We made it! Soooo many memories.
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YYZ –>BOG II: Jurassic Park: The Ride
Part I That Alexisonfire song with that ‘anxiety chokes me like razor wire’ lyric that’s so overused by attention-seeking kids with questionable anxiety problems on Facebook. I’m going to use it to describe how every building in Bogota that isn’t falling apart is surrounded by razor wire. Bogota is an absolutely beautiful city, but the undertones of…
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YYZ —> BOG: Gate E76, Seat 22C
Save all your pennies in a grey ceramic pig. Sell all your shit to get on a plane, so you can fly away. Pretend to be gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and married (not that there’s anything wrong with that either) so you can get free international health coverage on a your…
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“I don’t like salad” and other lies I tell on a daily basis
There’s an old friend of mine that had a serious issue with compulsive lying. He was a solid dude, and one of my best friends, but sometimes the stories that came out of his mouth were downright hilarious. One summer during high school, he tried to convince us on 3 separate occasions that he was quitting school,…
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They Say The Classics Never Go Out of Style, But…
Given the title of this website, I guess I should write something about shoes at some point. So, ahem. New pair of shoes day! I’m so gross. Vans Authentics. Probably the simplest and most stylish pair of shoes Vans has ever made (and also probably the worst for your feet – both skateboard wise and…
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I fucking Hate The Guess Who
I know, I claim to be into music of all genres. And I really am, honestly. I’m not one of those jagoffs who ‘loves everything except rap’ or ‘Can’t stand that country music’ Ask me to DJ your birthday party (Please do. DJ Dawson From Dawson’s Creek is for hire, and I’m cheap) You’ll get…
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I’ve Always Been Bad at Public Transit
Always. I grew up in an oblivious small town in which a useless system of buses existed purely to appease senior citizens. I basically skateboarded everywhere anyway, so figuring out routes and schedules was never on my radar. Bad weather was rarely a factor. It wasn’t unusual to see me skating home after a party…
Bury Me In Vans 
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